The Peanut
By: YingGirl & Pumpkin Jr.
(yinggirl_the_sephiroth_hunter@hotmail.com)
Author’s Note: CastleVaina SoTN related characters are the
property of Konami. Please don’t use YingGirl, Pumpkin Jr., or Akiral since we
created them.
YingGirl: Okay…so I’m not into this game quite yet. Is it
true that girls suck as badly as boys when it comes to video games? I think it
is true…
Pumpkin Jr.: Well come to think of it…since when did I
even see you playing with your PSX that you got a year ago?!!
YingGirl: Actually I only had it for 10 months. Not even a
full year.
Pumpkin Jr.: And you’re gonna write a story of a video
game where you died fighting off the first two bosses?!!!
YingGirl: Shut up bro…Alucard might be reading this!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: I think he IS reading this and he’s pretty
pissed off!!
YingGirl: But thankfully…the Internet spoiled my game-play
and told where is what. Here’s what you folks said about the “peanut” thing:
“Peanuts, get yer peanuts here....’
“In the 2nd castle, in the room where the purple
looking save point took you to fight the Succubus in the 1st castle, there is a
hidden cache of peanuts in the center of the room...and it returns each time
you re-enter. Ever eaten a peanut with Alc? You have to catch them by getting
directly underneath them after you toss it and then pressing up. When you do he
gains 50 life back and raises his arm triumphantly!”
Pumpkin Jr.: Jeez…what do Komani think he is…a monkey?!!!
YingGirl: That’s an insult to all saiyans and creatures
like myself.
Pumpkin Jr.: Sorry…but it would be funny if Alc had a
tail.
YingGirl: Perhaps.
Pumpkin Jr.:
Anyway…enjoy the show/story/whatever!!!
It all started on a not so typical day. Our heroes YingGirl and Pumpkin Jr. were not having a good time as they both entered *dramatic pose* the second castle.
YingGirl: You bet we’re
not having a good time!!! I swear I hate Falosio’s personal servant imp
Akiral!!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: Yeah! Let’s
kick his ass for putting us in this…*pauses* Uh YingGirl, what are you doing on
the ceiling?
YingGirl: *stops* What do
ya mean? It’s you that on the ceiling!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: *looks at his
surroundings, seeing YingGirl below him* Holy crap Ying-chan!!! Where has
Akiral sent us?!!!
YingGirl: *looks around at
her surroundings as well* The more I look…the more confused I get. *shakes her
head* The minute we find that pestering imp, the minute we can get out of this
confusing castle.
Pumpkin Jr.: You can say
that again.
Akiral: *materializes from
the shadows* Looking for me Chosen One?
YingGirl/Pumpkin Jr.:
Akiral!!!
Akiral: *sarcastically*
The one and only. *poses*
Pumpkin Jr.: Where the
hell are we?!!!
Akiral: Take a good look
at your surroundings…a very good look.
YingGirl: Ah!! Not
again…this place is making me dizzy!!
Pumpkin Jr.: Hmm, by the
looks of this place it looks like Dracula’s castle…but it’s upside-down???
Akiral: Correct
Prometheus! It is Dracula’s castle upside-down!! *laughs evilly as he glares at
the two* And once I find the dimension between worlds and get Lord Dracula
under my control, I’ll make sure you two will be his midnight snacks!! Hee hee
hee hoo!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: *whines* I
don’t wanna become a midnight snack to a vampire!!!!
YingGirl: You won’t get
away with this!!! FIRE…
Akiral: *falls back into
the darkness of the shadows and fades away* Snooze ya loose!! So long
suckers!!! Bawahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: *whines some
more as he starts his panic attacks* What are we gonna do Yingy?!!! What are we
going to do?!!!
YingGirl: Relax bro! I can
managed to get us out of this one! You gotta believe I could!
Pumpkin Jr.: *whines
still* WE’RE SCREWED!!!!
YingGirl: *waves her tail*
Now how am I gonna get us out of this mess?
Pumpkin Jr.: *cries* It’s
hopeless…hopeless, hopeless, hopeless, hopeless…*hears footsteps coming closer*
someone’s coming…hopeless, hopeless, hopeless….
YingGirl: *hears
something* Someone’s coming! *waves her tail* It has to be another one of
Drac’s servants possessed by Akiral!!!!
Alucard: *enters the room*
Mortals?!! I thought Richter and Maria were the only ones wandering in the
castles!
YingGirl: Uh….*turns a
shade of red*
Pumpkin Jr.: Holy crap!!!
* It’s another one of Drac’s servants possessed by Akiral!!! Let’s get out of
here Yingy!!!
Alucard: What is an
“Akiral”? And why is that cat-like creature on the ceiling?
YingGirl: *face is still
red* Hai…
Pumpkin Jr.: I’m on the
ceiling?!!! Crap!! *falls down for a crash landing* OW!!!!
Alucard: State your
business here or get out of my way!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: *gets up and
dusts himself, trying to cough out some dust he might have inhaled* We’re
hunters like yourself and we were sent here to find some demon. *pokes
YingGirl* Right Yingy?
YingGirl: *feels dazed*
Right…
Alucard: You friend isn’t
very talkative.
Pumpkin Jr.: That’s Yingy
for ya! She has a tendency to avoid any males since Akiral possessed her last
boyfriend and forced him to jump off a cliff.
YingGirl: *sways her tail*
Shut up bro….
Alucard: At least you two
don’t seem like enemies. Their intelligence is only a one-word command.
Pumpkin Jr.: *picks up a
small satchel* What’s this? Peanuts? Ok, I’m getting sick and tired of Akiral’s
stupid jokes!!!
Alucard: And what kind of
humor does this demon have?
Pumpkin Jr.: He making
other people to think that we work for peanuts, henceforth he leaves a bag of
peanuts after he does his disappearing act.
YingGirl: *shakes her
head* My head hurts.
Pumpkin Jr.: Bout time
Yingy. *picks up a peanut and flips it in the air, only to catch it in his
mouth* Since we’re screwed, best making the last hours of our life the best of
it. *munches on the peanut* Still it would be better if it was a can of
sardines
Akiral always left behind.
Alucard: Child’s play.
Pass one of those. *flips a peanut into the air, back flips into the air and
catches the peanut right in mouth*
Pumpkin Jr.: Whoa. I bet I
can do better. *flips another peanut, jumping into the air, catching the peanut
and flying over the chandelier* Yah! I did it! I’m flying!! Wait on a sec…cats
don’t fly…AHHHHHHHHH!!! *falls down, colliding with a suit of armor*
YingGirl: Well at least I
ain’t spending my final hours listening to some stupid silicone implants
teenybopper singer.
Pumpkin Jr.: *is K.O.ed*
mommy, I see stars.
YingGirl: *dashes towards
Pumpkin Jr., trying to help him up* Bro!! Are you alright?!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: I’m okay…just
I want to kill the guy that said “cats always land on their feet”!!!!
Alucard: Quite amusing
mortals. I never had seen quite a pair around here.
YingGirl: Well, we’re not
from around here.
Pumpkin Jr.: Yeah, we’re
from another world entirely.
Meanwhile in the dimension between worlds.
Akiral: Hmm…where the hell
is the count anyway? It’s so dark in here. How am I ever gonna find him and get
rid of those two goodie goodies??
Voice: *growls* Who dares
trespass in my domain??!!
Akiral: *screams like a
girl* AHH!!! Who the hell said that?!!!
Dracula: *appears sitting
on his demonic looking throne* What purpose do you have appearing in MY
DOMAIN?!!!
Akiral: Eeeeeeeeee….*fall
on his knees* Me not worthy! Me not worthy!!!
Dracula: I don’t recognize
you being one of my idiotic worthless enemies. Best to get rid of you to teach
others not to bother my sanctuary.
Akiral: Please don’t kill
me!!! There are two snacks wandering around the castle!
Dracula: Point being?
Akiral: And one of them is
a saiyan!!!!!
Dracula: *looks at the imp
baffled* Did you say….a “saiyan”?
Akiral: *is still kneeling
to the count* Course I did…
Dracula: *smirks* Quite
amusing for a half breed mortal saiyan, a creature which uses the essence of
life in order to defend itself to crawl its way in this place.
Akiral: Huh?
Dracula: And half-breeds
seem to be stronger than a pure breed. Their bloodlines are much vicious than
of my own, turning vampires who drink from them…true immortal gods. *turns to
Akiral* I’ll get rid of these intruders…only to get a taste of that true power.
Akiral: Heh heh heh…
Elsewhere in the second castle.
Pumpkin Jr.: *walking
alongside with Alucard* So…let me get this straight, five years ago you fought
alongside with Richter Belmont in order to stop your father from taking over
Europe. After defeating your dad, you decided it was safe to crawl back to an
eternal slumber so you won’t be a threat to any more mortals. But a year after
that fight, Richter mysterious vanished. And four years after that, you seem to
woke up from your eternal slumber only to realized that the castle has
reappeared once again. So onward you went out and find out who was behind this
and the disappearance of Richter. You found out who is was, saved Richter’s
ass, and now you’re here to have your final duel with your dad, right??
Alucard: That pretty much
sums it up what I did so far.
YingGirl: Some history
lesson. But I wonder, who is your father?
Alucard: Perhaps you mortals
may be familiar with him in your place as well. His name is Count Vlad Tepes
Dracula.
YingGirl/Pumpkin Jr.: *in
shocked* COUNT VLAD TEPES DRACULA?!!!
YingGirl: The same man who
was found with impalement and used that method to kill off his enemies and his
town people?
Pumpkin Jr.: The same guy
who inspired the beginning of vampirism in Bram Stoker’s novel...yet while some
excavators excavated Vlad’s coffin there way no body?!!!!
YingGirl/Pumpkin Jr.:
*turn to face Alucard* Is your dad???
Alucard: I rather you two
not go boosting about his infamous life-style.
Pumpkin Jr.: *whispers to
YingGirl* Do you think we should go trust him?
YingGirl: We got no
choice. *waves her tail*
Pumpkin Jr.: But do we
know anything about this guy???
YingGirl: *ponders* Well I
have heard that Vlad did have a third son, never knew it was true. Other than
that, I think I find this guy quite attractive.
Pumpkin Jr.: *sighs* We’re
just as screwed as we were when we first got here. *sarcastically as he opens
his arms* Oh sweet death…take us now.
Death: *appears, carrying
a sickle* Did someone mention me?
Pumpkin Jr.: Holy crap!!!
Alucard: *draws out his
weapons* You!!!
Death: Ah, young master
Alucard, pleasure of meeting you once again.
Alucard: The pleasure is
all mine once I annihilate you out of my site.
Death: *looks around,
spotting YingGirl and Pumpkin Jr.* And who are these I might add? More mortals
you’re still befriending? Forget about demanding, I want you to cease this
foolishness right now!!!
Alucard: I will not.
YingGirl: And why should
he? FIRE ILLUSION!!! *throws random fire spells at Death*
Death: *tries to avoid
some of the spells but getting hit by a couple as well* Damnit sailor saiyan
brat!!! I haven’t finished my speech yet!!!
YingGirl: Let’s just
say….IT SUCKS HARD, MAN!!! VENUS!! CRESCENT ARROW STRIKE!!!! *creates a fire
arrow which she hurls at Death’s direction*
Alucard/Pumpkin Jr.: ………
Death: *uses his sickle to
block the attack* I’m demanding that Alucard returns to our side. So you
mortals get out of my way!!!!
YingGirl: Aw, that’s it!!!
*dashes towards Death and throws a high kick at his crotch*
Death: SH*T!!!!!!!!!
*collapses, holding himself*
Alucard/Pumpkin Jr.:
*cringes*
YingGirl: Now you can show
us where Akiral is or you can end up as a skeleton in my science class!!!
Death: *winces* mommie….
Alucard: I’m sure Death
didn’t deserve such a cruel attack.
Pumpkin Jr.: You kick ass
Yingy.
YingGirl: Uh…I don’t think
he’ll be okay. Let’s go before he recovers.
Pumpkin Jr.: And when will
that be?
YingGirl: A couple of
days. Let’s go team!
Alucard: Since when are we
a team?
Pumpkin Jr.: Don’t worry
we want to finish this stupid story as soon as possible.
Akiral: *appears above
them* Don’t worry…we’ll finish this as soon as possible…this will be THE LAST
STORY YOU’LL EVER APPEAR IN!!!
YingGirl: Unless you have
something that can destroy the world…
Pumpkin Jr.: Or some
censorship that wants us back in school, then we’re outnumbered.
Akiral: Ah…but I do!!!
*begins to transform the room into another dimension*
Alucard: How does he…
Pumpkin Jr.: He’s a demon.
YingGirl: Well whatever it
is…the warrior of rebirth and immortality, YingGirl: Sailor Senshi for Hire
shall stop you!!!
Alucard: *turns to
YingGirl* You do this for money?!!!
YingGirl: *nods* Yes, yes.
Once we help ya defeat this Dracula guy, and by the clothing you wear…we should
expect a big cash reward.
Alucard: *crosses his
arms* Don’t expect anything from me, monkey girl.
YingGirl: Nani?!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: *looks around
the dimension* Where the hell are we?!!!
Dracula: *appears in front
of Alucard, YingGirl, and Pumpkin Jr., sitting on his demonic throne* Well met
my son. It’s been a long time.
YingGirl/Pumpkin Jr.:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Akiral: *waves pom-poms*
You’re gonna die, you’re gonna die!!!
Alucard: I was hoping we will not
see each other again. I cannot allow you to leave here father.
Pumpkin
Jr.: Oh sure he can! *pulls onto YingGirl’s jacket* We’re leaving! *falls on
his butt cause YingGirl doesn’t move* Ow! Ying!!! Let’s get out of here!!!
Dracula:
*glances at YingGirl and Pumpkin Jr., then turns back to face Alucard* You have
ever been ally of humans. Have you forgotten what they did to your mother?
Alucard:
Think I would forget such a thing? No! But neither do I seek revenge against
them!
Dracula: Still uttering the same nonsense. No matter. Now
is the time to put aside your weak human side, and join me in remaking this
world.
Alucard: Dracula, in the name of my mother, I will defeat
you again.
Akiral: Go get them!!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: I hope the next Chosen One manages to beat
the crap out of this guy like you WERE supposed to do Yingy.
YingGirl: But it’s not my fault that modern pop idols tend
to lack the education skills of teenagers these days! It’s pretty obvious
that…*out of nowhere, a sickly demonic head heading strait towards YingGirl,
using its tongue to snare YingGirl in its’ mouth*
Pumpkin Jr.: AHH!!!! YINGY!!!
Dracula: So how weak these creatures are! Even a modern
saiyan can easily die by being next to such pathetic creatures!!!
YingGirl: *is trying to not be swallowed alive from the
demonic head by holding onto the rims of the mouth, ceasing it to close* You
lil son of a bitch!!!
Pumpkin Jr.: Ah!!! He’s gonna kill her and we can’t fight
back!! What are we going to do?!!!
Alucard: Wait. If your sister is a true saiyan, she can
easily get out of this.
YingGirl: *holds onto its jaws, as some of the jarred
fangs are piecing in her flesh and tail* Y-you won’t get away with this.
Dracula: *glances at YingGirl and her attempt* Weak
saiyan. Perhaps I shall be a better one once I have a taste of your flesh.
Pumpkin Jr.: Oh crap! He knows he’s become a more powerful
saiyan once he drinks Yingy’s blood!!! And this is supposed to be a humorous
storyline!!!
Alucard: *still watches, keeping his battle stance*
Ying…fight it.
Dracula: *turns to Alucard* DAMN YOU!!!!
YingGirl: *jumps back as she lets go of the jaws, having a
few seconds performing an attack* VENUS! CRESCENT ARROW STRIKE!!!!! *enflames
the demonic head as it swallows the flame arrow* Ha! Take that! *flies back
down, landing on her feet*
Pumpkin Jr.: Yingy!!! You’re saved!!!
YingGirl: *gets up with a few flesh wounds on her body,
looking at Alucard* Pal!! You better have a good ass reward for us by placing
me in danger!!!!
Alucard: *in a mocking tone* Aww Yingy, you’re a big girl
now.
YingGirl: *growls* Shut up.
Pumpkin Jr.: Guys, this isn’t the time for bickering.
Akiral: Damn you crazy kids!!! Dracula, I order you to
destroy your son and his companions!!! *another demon head performs the same
thing and swallows the imp alive* AHHHH!!!
YingGirl/Pumpkin Jr.: YES!!!
Dracula: I won’t be easily defeated, not by mortals
again!!
Alucard: He isn’t trying anymore.
Pumpkin Jr.: So. What do we do??
**two of the remaining demon dash towards the trio**
Pumpkin Jr.: AHHHHH!!! WE’RE SCREWED AND DOOMED!!!
Alucard: *performs a spell* Nova Flare.
YingGirl: *sighs* Giga Flare. *summons a flare spell,
which had been already casted 1000 times and hurls it towards Dracula’s
direction*
Dracula: *notices the incoming flare spells* HOLY SON OF A
B*TCH!!!!!
**Of course since this is a short story, the Count ends
his pathetic being by becoming a grilled vampire on the open fire**
Pumpkin Jr.: That’s some charbroiled vampire.
**the castle begins to fall apart**
Alucard: Since my father is history, his castle goes along
with him.
Pumpkin Jr.: LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!!!
YingGirl: Yeah before we are history!!! *grips onto
herself, hiding some flesh wound*
Pumpkin Jr.: Are you all right?
YingGirl: *smirks, waving her tail* This monkey girl can
leap back onto her feet.
Alucard: That saying is for cats.
Maria: Do you think he made it? Oh Richter, I wish we
could have helped him.
Richter: And what? Be more of a nuisance that will enable
our enemies to be stronger?
Maria: You’re right.
YingGirl: *walking next to Alucard, holding onto her wounds*
I don’t believe it…you know all along I can beat up that creep?!!!
Alucard: Well you race can handle more than just the Lord
of Vampires.
YingGirl: You could have told me that before I almost got
eaten alive by the demonic chair!!!
Alucard: Now if I told, you would have never learned a
thing.
YingGirl:*snorts* Do you do this to all the women you
meet? Cause if you do…I can see why you’re still single.
Pumpkin Jr.: *walking towards Richter and Maria* Hey who
are those two?
Alucard: *looks towards Maria and Richter* So, you made
it.
Maria: Alucard... I’m glad you’re all right.
Richter: I’m sorry. 'Tis my fault that you have to fight
your own father.
Alucard: Fear not! I have my own reasons for destroying
him.
Pumpkin
Jr.: *pokes YingGirl* Did he really had reasons?
YingGirl:
Dunno.
Richter: It must have been painful for you.
Alucard: Indeed...but always remember that the only thing
necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.
Richter: I understand.
Maria: Alucard...what would you do now?
Alucard: The b-
YingGirl:
*stand in front of Alucard* He’s gonna pay us.
Pumpkin
Jr.: Yeah yeah! And we even accept Visa or MasterCard!!!
Richter:
Who are these people?
Maria:
*looks at the wounds on YingGirl* Oh my!!! Did Alucard do such a thing?!!!
Pumpkin
Jr.: No, but he did use YingGirl as bait to defeat his dad.
YingGirl:
*waves her tail as she looks towards Richter* Hey there, if you’re friends of
him, maybe you can also give us a big cash bonus.
Richter:
I never knew that he would do such a thing.
Maria: No
gentlemen shall place a young girl in danger!!!
Alucard:
Wait!!! Let me explain!!!! She’s an insane monkey girl!!!!
YingGirl:
Well if you can say Alucard is a bastard…*raises her fist in the air, waving
her tail* I agree with you sister!!! *collapses due to the wounds on her body*
Pumpkin
Jr.: AH!!! Yingy!!! *catches YingGirl* I told ya to heal your wounds but you
never listen!!!
Maria:
*walks up to Alucard* And as for you…*smacks him right across his face*
Richter/Pumpkin
Jr.: Whoa Nelly!!!!
Alucard:
…..
Maria:
You are the most disgusting man I have ever met. Let’s go Richter. *drags
Richter along as she leaves*
Richter:
*is being dragged by Maria* You….you….just….slapped…..
Pumpkin
Jr.: *tries to hold up YingGirl* You’ll be ok.
Alucard: *glares
at YingGirl angrily* Thank you very much for ruining my chance at romance in a
single act, you pathetic monkey girl!!!!
YingGirl:
*a bit drowsy* Are you my mommy…? Uh…
Pumpkin
Jr.: *looks at the landscape, seeing the sun setting* Well at least nothing can
screw up this sunset.
Alucard:
What does this do? *slightly steps on YingGirl’s tail*
YingGirl:
*growls* YOU STEPPED ON MY FRICKEN TAIL!!!! THE BEST FEATURE ANY SAIYAN CAN
HAVE!!!
Pumpkin
Jr.: Spoke too soon.*sigh*
The End.
.:. head back .:.